Riders Against Domestic Violence Presents
You were sitting together on the couch.
The television was on. Nothing special was happening. Just another evening at home.
You looked over at him and remembered when sitting this close used to mean something.
You moved a little closer and rested your hand on his arm.
He didn’t move.
Didn’t look at you.
Didn’t reach back.
After a minute, you quietly moved your hand away.
He probably didn’t even notice.
But you did.
And you hated how much something so small could hurt.
You Remember When It Was Different
There was a time when he couldn’t walk past you without touching you.
A hand on your back while you were cooking. A kiss before leaving for work. His arm around you when you sat together.
Sometimes he’d reach for your hand while you were driving.
You didn’t realize how much those little things meant until they stopped happening.
Now you can spend an entire evening in the same room without touching each other.
You still talk about groceries, bills, appointments, and what’s for dinner.
You still say goodnight.
You still share a home.
But somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling like the woman he wanted to be close to.
And you don’t know when it happened.
The Part That Hurts the Most
It’s not always about sex.
Sometimes you just want him to pull you close for no reason.
To put his arms around you while you’re standing in the kitchen.
To kiss you like he’s happy you’re there.
To look up when you walk into the room.
You miss being noticed.
You miss feeling wanted.
And sometimes you miss it so badly that you feel foolish for wanting something as simple as a hug.
You tell yourself you’re too old to be worrying about things like that.
That marriage changes.
That people get comfortable.
That you should be grateful for what you have.
But late at night, when he’s asleep beside you, you stare at the ceiling and wonder:
How can I be lying this close to someone and feel so far away?
When You Finally Say Something
One evening, you find the courage to bring it up.
“I miss us.”
He looks confused.
“What do you mean?”
You try to explain.
You miss the affection. The closeness. The way things used to be.
He tells you he’s tired.
That he’s been working.
That nothing is wrong.
Maybe he even says, “We’re together all the time.”
And you don’t know how to explain that being together isn’t the same as feeling close.
So you say, “Never mind.”
You didn’t want an argument.
You just wanted him to understand.
And somehow, having to explain why you want to be held makes you feel even lonelier.
The Night You Stopped Trying
You can’t remember the exact date.
There wasn’t a big fight.
No dramatic moment.
You just realized one evening that you hadn’t reached for his hand in weeks.
You hadn’t leaned over for a kiss.
You hadn’t asked him to sit closer.
Not because you stopped loving him.
But because you were tired of feeling rejected.
You’d learned to leave a little space between you.
It hurt less than reaching across it and finding nothing there.
At least that’s what you told yourself.
But sometimes you still watch him walk through the room and wish he’d stop, turn around, and come back just to hold you.
You don’t want to beg someone to love you. You want them to want to show it.
The Woman in the Mirror
One morning, you’re getting ready for work.
You look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.
You notice the lines around your eyes.
The changes in your body.
The years that have passed.
And a thought slips into your mind.
Maybe he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore.
You hate yourself for thinking it.
You know your worth should be more than whether someone wants to touch you.
But when affection has been missing for a long time, it’s hard not to take it personally.
You wonder whether you’ve changed too much.
Whether you’ve become boring.
Whether there’s something wrong with you.
And you wish he knew how much you still want to feel beautiful in his eyes.
Not because you need everyone to notice you.
Because you still want to matter to the person whose opinion once meant the world to you.
Sometimes There’s No Villain
Not every relationship that loses affection is abusive.
People experience illness, exhaustion, depression, grief, stress, changes in desire, and seasons when physical closeness becomes difficult.
Sometimes both partners are hurting in ways the other doesn’t fully understand.
Nobody owes another person physical affection or intimacy.
But both people deserve to have their feelings heard with kindness.
The loneliness becomes especially painful when someone repeatedly dismisses, mocks, or punishes a partner for expressing emotional needs.
And when emotional withdrawal is deliberately used to manipulate, humiliate, or control, it may be part of a harmful pattern.
Whatever the reason for the distance, the feelings deserve an honest, compassionate conversation.
Because silence can leave two people living very different versions of the same marriage.
What She Wishes She Could Say
Maybe she doesn’t need another conversation about everything that’s wrong.
Maybe she doesn’t want to argue about who’s responsible.
Maybe she doesn’t even need an answer tonight.
She just wishes she could say:
I miss being your girl.
I miss when you reached for me without me having to ask.
I miss laughing with you.
I miss feeling like you were happy to see me.
I know we’re getting older. I know life hasn’t been easy.
But I’m still here.
And sometimes I wonder if you even see me anymore.
Those words are difficult to say aloud.
Because once you say them, you have to face the possibility that the other person may not feel the same way.
And that can be frightening.
The Kind of Love She Still Hopes For
She isn’t asking for a perfect marriage.
She knows life is complicated.
She knows people change.
She knows love looks different after twenty or thirty years than it did in the beginning.
But she still believes tenderness matters.
She still believes a hand held across a table can mean something.
That sitting close can mean something.
That asking, “Are you okay?” and actually listening can mean something.
She wants to be able to tell the person beside her that she’s lonely without feeling ashamed.
And she wants to know whether they can find their way toward each other again.
Maybe they can.
Maybe they need help.
Maybe the relationship has changed in ways that will require difficult decisions.
But her feelings don’t become meaningless simply because the years have passed.
Faith for the Road Ahead
Scripture reminds us:
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” — Romans 12:10 (KJV)
Kindness and affection aren’t just about grand romantic gestures.
They’re about remembering that the person beside us has a heart that needs care.
They’re about listening when someone says they’re hurting.
They’re about treating each other with tenderness, patience, and dignity.
Faith doesn’t guarantee that every relationship can be restored.
And it should never be used to pressure someone into accepting mistreatment or unwanted intimacy.
But it reminds us that compassion matters, especially toward those closest to us.
To the Woman Who Stopped Reaching
Maybe you’ve been reading this with tears in your eyes.
Maybe you know exactly what it feels like to pull your hand away when nobody reaches back.
Maybe you’ve spent years telling yourself that you shouldn’t need affection anymore.
But you do.
And wanting tenderness doesn’t make you needy, foolish, or weak.
It makes you human.
You deserve to be heard when you talk about loneliness.
You deserve honesty about the relationship you’re living in.
You deserve kindness, whether your relationship can be repaired or not.
And you deserve to remember that your value hasn’t disappeared just because someone’s affection has changed.
You are still worthy of love, tenderness, and respect.
We Are the Bridge
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we believe some of the most meaningful conversations begin when someone recognizes their own feelings in another person’s story.
Loneliness by itself doesn’t mean a relationship is abusive. But when emotional pain exists alongside repeated humiliation, intimidation, manipulation, or control, it’s important to recognize those patterns and know that support is available.
RADV helps connect survivors with educational resources and professional organizations equipped to assist them.
We are not a shelter or crisis hotline.
Visit RADV.org to learn more about healthy relationships, emotional abuse, and survivor support.
In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org.
We Are the Bridge.
And tonight, somewhere, a woman will lie beside the person she loves, wishing he would simply turn toward her.
Not because she needs a perfect love story.
But because she misses feeling like she’s still part of his.
Sometimes the loneliest place in the world is right beside the person you wish would hold you.
đź’ś Riders Against Domestic Violence
We Are the Bridge.