By Dave Beatty, Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence
On day six of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let’s talk about something that can be easy to overlook when we care deeply about someone: the difference between offering support and taking over.
When someone you love is experiencing abuse, you want them safe. You want the fear to end. That concern can turn into urgent words.
“You have to leave.”
“Here’s what you need to do.”
“If it were me, I would have been gone already.”
But the person hearing those words may already be living with someone who questions their judgment and takes away their choices. Our support needs to give them room to speak and decide.
Ask Before You Act
A simple question can open a door.
“What would be helpful to you right now?”
Maybe they want someone to listen. Maybe they want help finding a local resource. Maybe today they are only ready to say aloud what has been happening.
We can offer options without turning them into demands.
“Would you like me to sit with you while you look for support?”
“Is there a safe way and time for me to check in?”
“Would you like ideas, or would you rather I just listen?”
Then we need to respect the answer. A person should not have to follow our instructions to keep our compassion.
You May Not Know the Whole Road
From the outside, a decision can look straightforward. From inside someone’s life, there may be children, housing, money, transportation, health concerns, pets, and fears they have not shared.
You do not have to understand every detail to take their concerns seriously.
Ask before sharing their story, contacting others on their behalf, or posting anything about their situation. Let them tell you what contact feels safe. Caring about someone does not give us ownership of their story.
To the Survivor Reading This
You deserve support that treats you with dignity.
You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to say, “I’m not ready to talk about that.” You are allowed to need help without having every answer figured out.
Your voice belongs in the decisions about your life. If someone’s advice does not fit your circumstances, that does not make you ungrateful or undeserving of help.
One step today may be learning what support is available. Another may be finding words for what you need. Those steps matter, even when nobody else can see them.
Be the Bridge
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, our role is to help connect survivors with resources. Visit RADV.org to access the resource directory and use your ZIP code to look for domestic violence help centers. Contact those organizations directly to ask about available services.
We do not need to take the handlebars out of someone’s hands to help them find the road ahead.
Today’s action is simple. Ask, listen, and offer one practical form of help without attaching an ultimatum.
Awareness becomes meaningful in the way we treat people. Let our concern make room for their voice. Let our support help restore their choices.
You survived. You matter. Keep going. One mile at a time.
We Are the Bridge.
Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence
RADV.org
© 2026 Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)