When someone has spent so long making you question yourself, believing your own voice can feel like a brave new beginning.
Sometimes the doubt follows you into the smallest moments.
You start to answer a question, then stop. You make a decision, then wonder whether you are allowed to make it. Someone asks what you want, and you realize how long it has been since your answer mattered.
On Day 21 of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, RADV wants to speak to the person who is struggling to trust their own judgment:
Someone else’s decision to abuse you does not mean you are incapable of making good decisions.
You deserve room to hear yourself again.
When Your Confidence Has Been Worn Down
Abuse can include repeated efforts to undermine your understanding of what is happening.
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always get everything wrong.”
Hearing those messages from someone close to you can make it difficult to speak with confidence—even about your own experiences. You may find yourself rehearsing explanations, apologizing before you speak, or searching for someone else’s approval before making an ordinary choice.
If that feels familiar, you do not have to judge yourself for it. You were navigating circumstances in which expressing yourself may have carried consequences.
You deserve relationships where questions can be asked, disagreements can happen, and mistakes can be made without humiliation, threats, or punishment.
Begin With One Small Choice
Rebuilding trust in yourself does not require a dramatic decision today.
It might begin with choosing the music you enjoy. Recognizing that you need rest. Allowing yourself to have an opinion without immediately arguing against it.
It might mean quietly acknowledging, “That interaction hurt me,” even if you are not ready or able to discuss it with anyone.
Where it is safe, give yourself opportunities to make small choices without demanding that every choice be perfect.
You can change your mind. You can ask for information. You can take your time.
Trusting yourself includes knowing that you are allowed to learn.
You Can Seek Support and Still Have a Voice
You do not have to figure everything out alone to prove that you are strong.
A trusted person or domestic violence advocate can help you explore your concerns and options. Asking for that support does not take away your ability to decide what is right for you.
Helpful support makes room for your circumstances. It listens to your fears, respects your pace, and understands that decisions may involve housing, children, money, transportation, disability, pets, and safety.
If you are still experiencing abuse, you do not need to confront the person harming you to prove that you believe yourself. Your safety matters. A step that looks small from the outside may require enormous courage.
For the People Walking Beside a Survivor
When someone shares what they have experienced, consider how your response can help them feel heard.
Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you leave?” try asking, “What would be helpful to you right now?”
Instead of deciding for them, ask whether they would like help exploring their options.
Keep your promises. Respect their privacy. Let them finish their thoughts. Avoid turning their decisions into a test of whether they deserve your support.
Someone whose choices have been controlled deserves opportunities to make choices again—with support available along the way.
Today’s Reminder
You do not have to become the person you were before everything happened.
You are allowed to discover who you are now: what matters to you, what brings you peace, and what you want your life to hold.
There may be days when confidence comes easily and days when doubt returns. Neither kind of day determines your worth.
For today, let this be enough:
My experience matters. My preferences matter. I deserve to be heard—including by myself.
At RADV, we believe survivors deserve compassion, access to resources, and support that respects their dignity and choices. We will keep working to be a bridge toward that help, one person and one faithful step at a time.
RADV — We Are the Bridge.
RADV.org
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Awareness means making room for survivors’ voices—and respecting the choices that belong to them.
Keep reading, if you’d like.
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