By Dave Beatty | Riders Against Domestic Violence
Sometimes, reclaiming your life begins with a decision that nobody else notices.
Choosing what to wear. Listening to music you enjoy. Calling someone you have missed. Spending a quiet afternoon without having to explain why you need it.
To someone who has never lived under another person’s control, those choices may seem ordinary.
But when your decisions have been questioned, criticized, or made for you, having a choice can mean everything.
On Day 22 of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recognize the quiet steps survivors take toward a life that feels like their own.
When Even Simple Decisions Feel Difficult
Control can reach into the smallest parts of everyday life.
What you eat. Who you talk to. How you spend your time. Whether you rest. What makes you laugh.
You may have learned to consider someone else’s reaction before considering your own preference. You may have stopped asking, “What do I want?” because keeping the peace took priority.
If making decisions feels uncomfortable now, you do not need to be ashamed of that.
You spent time navigating circumstances in which a simple choice could carry consequences. You deserve patience as you make room for your own voice again.
You Can Begin With Something Small
You do not have to map out your entire future today.
When it is safe, begin with one question:
“What is one thing I would choose for myself?”
Maybe it is returning to a hobby. Maybe it is choosing the meal you actually want. Maybe it is deciding that you do not have the energy for a conversation today.
There does not have to be an audience. There does not have to be a photograph, an announcement, or proof that you are making progress.
Something can matter deeply even when you are the only person who knows it happened.
And if you are still living with abuse, this is not a demand to challenge someone’s control or take a step that could put you at risk. Your circumstances matter. Your safety matters. You get to consider what is possible for you today.
You Are Allowed to Discover New Things About Yourself
People sometimes talk about healing as getting back to who you were.
But you are also allowed to discover who you are becoming.
You may have different interests now. Different priorities. A different idea of what peace looks like.
You can try something and decide it does not suit you. You can change your mind. You can ask for help without giving someone else ownership of your decisions.
You do not owe anyone a perfectly planned version of your future.
For Those Walking Beside a Survivor
Support can begin with a simple question:
“Would you like help thinking through your options, or would you like me to listen?”
Offer choices without pressure. Respect an answer even when it differs from what you would choose. Ask before stepping in.
Someone who has had decisions taken away deserves room to make their own.
Your steady presence can say: “I believe you are capable, and you do not have to do everything alone.”
One Choice. One Step. One Mile.
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we believe survivors deserve more than getting through another day. They deserve opportunities to build lives with dignity, connection, and choices of their own.
Our mission is to help bridge the distance between needing support and finding resources. RADV is a referral and awareness organization; professional services are provided by the organizations we help people find.
Today, your step may be small.
It still belongs to you.
You survived. You matter. Keep going. One mile at a time.
We Are the Bridge.
Visit RADV.org to explore survivor resources and learn about our mission.
© 2026 Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
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