When we talk about domestic violence, we naturally talk about the people living through it.
But sometimes there is another victim in the room.
The dog hiding beneath the table.
The cat disappearing into another room when voices begin to rise.
The animal that once greeted everyone at the door but now becomes nervous at sudden movements or loud sounds.
Our pets feel it too.
They may not understand the words being spoken, but they understand fear. They recognize tension. They hear the yelling, witness the chaos and react to changes in the people they trust.
And sometimes, tragically, they become part of the abuse itself.
When a Pet Becomes a Weapon
An abuser may threaten, intimidate, neglect or harm a pet as another way of controlling someone.
Think about the power behind the words:
“If you leave, you aren’t taking the dog.”
Or:
“If you tell anyone, something might happen to your cat.”
For someone who loves that animal like family, those threats can be terrifying.
A survivor may be willing to risk their own safety while being unable to bear the thought of leaving a beloved animal behind.
That isn’t weakness.
That’s love being used against them.
Pets Live Inside the Environment Too
Even when an animal isn’t directly harmed, living around violence can affect them.
Some pets may become anxious, withdrawn, unusually aggressive, clingy or frightened. Others may hide when voices rise, react strongly to certain people or become fearful of movements and sounds that remind them of frightening experiences.
There is something heartbreaking about watching a dog flinch when someone raises a hand—not because that person intended harm, but because somewhere along the way the animal learned what a raised hand could mean.
Healing may take time for them too.
Patience. Routine. Safety. Affection.
The same things survivors often need while rebuilding their own lives.
“But I Can’t Leave My Pet”
RADV wants survivors to understand something important:
Your pet belongs in your safety plan too.
If you are preparing to leave an abusive situation, think about your animals as part of that preparation.
When it is safe to do so, consider keeping veterinary records, vaccination information, medications, identification, food and other essentials where they can be accessed quickly.
Talk with a domestic violence advocate about your pets when developing a safety plan. Some shelters accommodate animals, while other communities have partnerships, foster programs or temporary arrangements designed to help survivors keep their pets safe while they get somewhere secure.
You should never have to choose between saving yourself and saving the animal that has been beside you through everything.
Sometimes They Were the Ones Who Stayed Beside Us
There is another side of this conversation that deserves to be recognized.
For some survivors, their pet was their companion during the darkest nights.
When they cried, that dog put its head in their lap.
When they felt completely alone, that cat curled up beside them.
When they wondered whether anyone in the world needed them, there was an animal waiting at the door.
Pets don’t care about the things an abuser may have said about you.
They don’t care about your mistakes.
They don’t care what you own, how much money you make or what someone else thinks of you.
They simply know:
You are their person.
And sometimes, when someone is trying to find the courage to believe they still matter, that little reminder can mean everything.
Take Them With You Into Your New Life
Leaving abuse isn’t simply about escaping something.
It’s about building something different.
A home where nobody has to hide when the door opens.
A home where voices don’t cause fear.
A home where a survivor can finally breathe—and maybe, for the first time in a long time, their pet can stretch out on the floor and sleep peacefully too.
That is what safety looks like.
And when you’re planning your road forward, don’t forget the paws walking beside you.
They survived the storm with you.
They deserve the sunshine too.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, visit RADV.org and use the Help resources to connect with assistance in your area.
Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
We Are the Bridge.