Changing Tomorrow by Investing in Today
Series #13: Anger Is an Emotion, Not an Excuse
Everybody gets angry.
Children get angry.
Parents get angry.
Couples get angry.
Even the most patient person eventually has a moment when something gets under their skin.
Anger isn’t the problem.
What we choose to do with it is.
That’s a lesson worth teaching our children early.
Too often, children grow up believing anger and aggression are the same thing.
They aren’t.
You can be angry without yelling.
You can be frustrated without insulting someone.
You can disagree without threatening someone.
You can walk away, cool down, and come back to the conversation.
And you can be furious with someone and still respect them.
That’s emotional strength.
As adults, we have an opportunity to show children what that looks like.
Not just tell them.
Show them.
When we’re frustrated, they watch.
When someone cuts us off in traffic, they listen.
When we disagree with our spouse, they notice.
When plans fall apart and life doesn’t go our way, they’re learning from what happens next.
Those little moments are lessons.
If a child watches an adult explode every time they’re angry, they may begin believing that’s simply how anger works.
But imagine something different.
Imagine a child seeing an adult say:
“I’m really angry right now, and I need a few minutes before we talk.”
Then watching that adult come back.
Calmer.
Ready to listen.
Ready to talk.
Ready to solve the problem without tearing another person down.
That child just learned something they may carry for the rest of their life.
I can feel something strongly without hurting someone.
That’s a powerful lesson.
Because someday that child will grow up.
They’ll have relationships.
They’ll experience disappointment.
They’ll have arguments.
They’ll feel jealousy.
They’ll be frustrated.
They’ll have moments when they don’t get their way.
And in those moments, the lessons we taught them today may become the choices they make tomorrow.
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we know anger is sometimes used as an excuse for abuse.
“I was angry.”
“I lost control.”
“They pushed my buttons.”
But anger never gives someone permission to intimidate, control, threaten, or hurt another person.
We can teach the next generation that now.
Your emotions belong to you.
Your actions belong to you.
And being angry never removes your responsibility for what you choose to do next.
That’s not weakness.
That’s strength.
That’s maturity.
That’s respect.
And when we teach a child how to handle anger without hurting another person, we aren’t just helping them through today’s frustration.
We may be helping shape the husband, wife, parent, friend, neighbor, or leader they become tomorrow.
One lesson.
One better choice.
One generation teaching the next.
That’s The Ripple Effect.
— Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
The Ripple Effect
Anger is an emotion. Violence is a choice. Teach them the difference.