When was the last time you made a decision based on what was healthy for you—not what would keep everyone else comfortable?
Survivors often become experts at putting themselves last.
You learn to watch another person’s mood before acknowledging your own. You keep the peace, make excuses, hide your pain and carry responsibilities that were never meant to be yours alone. After a while, choosing yourself can feel unfamiliar—or even selfish.
But choosing yourself is not selfish.
It is recognizing that your safety matters. Your peace matters. Your health matters. Your dreams still matter.
Choosing yourself does not always mean making one dramatic decision. Sometimes it begins quietly.
It may mean telling someone the truth about what is happening. It may mean setting a boundary and refusing to apologize for it. It may mean speaking with an advocate, making a safety plan or allowing yourself to rest without feeling guilty.
Sometimes choosing yourself means admitting, “I cannot continue living this way.”
You may have spent years being told that your feelings were wrong, your needs were unreasonable or that everything was somehow your fault. Those messages can become so deeply planted that you begin repeating them to yourself.
But they were never the truth.
You are not difficult for wanting respect.
You are not demanding for wanting honesty.
You are not selfish for wanting peace.
You are not weak for asking for help.
Choosing yourself does not mean that you no longer care about others. It means you have finally remembered that you are also someone worth caring about.
God did not create you merely to survive another person’s anger, control or cruelty. There is still purpose in your life. There are still roads you have not traveled, people you have not met and peaceful mornings you have not experienced.
You do not have to solve everything today. If leaving immediately would place you in greater danger, take your time, seek trusted help and make a plan that protects you. Choosing yourself can begin with one safe and private step.
So ask yourself again:
When was the last time you chose you?
If you cannot remember, perhaps today can be the beginning.
You are worthy of safety.
You are worthy of healing.
You are worthy of a life that does not require you to disappear so someone else can feel powerful.
Take one step toward yourself today.
Your best miles are ahead.
Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence
RADV — We Are the Bridge
www.radv.org