Reproductive Control Is Domestic Violence
Some forms of domestic violence leave no visible bruises.
A partner may never raise a fist, yet still try to control one of the most personal parts of your life: whether you have children, when you have them, and what happens to your body.
This is known as reproductive coercion or reproductive control.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention describes reproductive coercion as using power and control over another person’s reproduction through interference with contraception or pressure surrounding pregnancy.
It is not love.
It is not concern.
It is not simply a disagreement between partners.
It is abuse.
What Reproductive Control Can Look Like
Reproductive coercion does not always look the same. It may include a partner who:
- Hides, destroys, or tampers with birth control.
- Removes or damages a condom without consent.
- Lies about using contraception or being able to cause a pregnancy.
- Pressures or forces someone to become pregnant.
- Threatens to leave, harm, or punish someone who does not want a child.
- Pressures someone to end or continue a pregnancy against their wishes.
- Prevents a partner from seeing a doctor or attending appointments alone.
- Monitors medical care, prescriptions, or reproductive health information.
- Uses pregnancy or children as a way to keep someone from leaving.
- Makes someone feel guilty, frightened, or unsafe for making their own healthcare decisions.
Reproductive coercion can happen to women and men. It can occur in any relationship, and it may exist even when no other physical or sexual violence has taken place.
National research has found that both men and women report experiencing reproductive coercion from an intimate partner. No survivor should be dismissed simply because their experience does not fit the story people expect to hear.
“I Thought They Just Really Wanted a Family”
That is one reason this form of abuse can be difficult to recognize.
An abusive partner may disguise control as love:
“If you really loved me, you would have a baby with me.”
“You don’t need birth control. I’ll take care of you.”
“If you leave, I’ll take the children.”
“You are not going to that appointment without me.”
“I decide when we have children.”
A healthy partner can share their hopes, feelings, and concerns. They may want children when you do not, or they may not feel ready when you are.
The difference is that a healthy partner respects your right to make decisions about your own body.
Disagreement is possible in a healthy relationship.
Intimidation, sabotage, threats, deception, and force are not.
If This Is Happening to You
You are not imagining it.
You are not selfish for wanting control over your own body and future.
You do not owe anyone a pregnancy, a child, a medical procedure, or access to your private healthcare information.
If it is safe, consider speaking privately with a healthcare professional. You may ask your provider to speak with you without your partner in the room. A domestic violence advocate can also help you think through a personalized safety plan.
Be cautious if your partner monitors your telephone, online accounts, medical portal, prescriptions, transportation, or insurance statements. Seeking help can sometimes increase danger when an abusive person realizes that control is slipping away. You know your circumstances better than anyone else, so take the steps that feel safest for you.
If you believe you are in immediate danger, call 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available around the clock at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You can also text START to 88788 or visit TheHotline.org.
Additional survivor resources are available at RADV.org.
Your Body and Your Future Belong to You
Someone may have tried to take away your choices. They may have made you question whether you had the right to say no or convinced you that their demands mattered more than your safety.
Their control does not erase your worth.
You deserve a relationship in which your body is respected, your voice is heard, and decisions about your future are not made through fear.
You do not have to understand everything today. You do not have to make every decision at once.
Recognizing what is happening can be the first mile toward reclaiming your choices.
You survived.
You matter.
Your body belongs to you.
Your future belongs to you.
Keep going—one mile at a time.
Riders Against Domestic Violence
We Are the Bridge.