Changing Tomorrow by Investing in Today
Series #15: Teach Them That Jealousy Is Not Love
There is a phrase young people hear far too often:
“They’re only jealous because they love you.”
We need to stop teaching that.
Jealousy is an emotion. It can happen to anyone. But when jealousy becomes checking someone’s phone, demanding passwords, deciding who they can talk to, questioning where they’ve been, controlling what they wear, or isolating them from friends and family, it isn’t proof of love.
It’s control.
And this is one of those lessons we can teach long before a young person ever finds themselves in an unhealthy relationship.
When our children and teenagers begin dating, instead of only asking:
“Do you like them?”
Maybe we should also ask:
“Do they respect you?”
“Can you still be yourself around them?”
“Are you allowed to have your own friends?”
“Can you disagree without being afraid?”
“Do you trust each other without needing to constantly prove it?”
Those conversations matter.
Because young people are learning what love looks like from somewhere.
They’re learning from their friends.
They’re learning from social media.
They’re learning from television and music.
And most importantly, they’re learning from the relationships they see around them.
That’s where parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, older siblings, and mentors have an incredible opportunity.
We can show them another definition of love.
Love doesn’t need to know your location every second.
Love doesn’t demand access to every conversation.
Love doesn’t make you abandon your friends.
Love doesn’t punish you for having a life outside the relationship.
And love certainly doesn’t use jealousy as permission to control another person.
Healthy love says:
I trust you.
I respect you.
I want you to grow.
I don’t have to own you to love you.
That doesn’t mean jealousy will never happen.
We’re human.
There may be moments of insecurity or fear.
The lesson is what we do next.
Do we communicate?
Do we listen?
Do we work through the insecurity together?
Or do we turn that feeling into rules for someone else?
That’s the difference young people need to understand.
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we spend a lot of time talking about recognizing abuse after it has entered a relationship.
But imagine what could happen if we became just as determined to teach healthy relationships before abuse ever had the opportunity to begin.
Imagine a teenager recognizing controlling behavior on the first date instead of years later.
Imagine a young man understanding that his girlfriend having friends doesn’t threaten his masculinity.
Imagine a young woman knowing that someone demanding her passwords isn’t being protective.
Imagine both of them knowing that trust is something you build—not something you enforce.
Those lessons can travel a long way.
A conversation around the dinner table today may become a boundary someone remembers five years from now.
A coach talking to his players about respecting their partners may influence marriages that don’t even exist yet.
A father showing his son what trust looks like may someday affect how that son treats his own family.
A mother teaching her daughter that independence belongs inside healthy love may help her recognize when something isn’t right.
We may never see where those lessons eventually land.
That’s okay.
You don’t always see how far a ripple travels.
You just have to be willing to start one.
Teach them that jealousy isn’t love.
Teach them that trust doesn’t require surveillance.
Teach them that healthy relationships leave room for two people to remain two people.
And above all, teach them that the person who loves them should never require them to become smaller so the relationship can survive.
That’s prevention.
That’s changing what the next generation accepts as normal.
That’s The Ripple Effect.
— Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
We Are the Bridge. 💜🏍️