Changing Tomorrow by Investing in Today
Series #19: Let Them Hear You Say, “I Was Wrong”
There are three words that can change the way a child understands relationships:
“I was wrong.”
Adults spend a lot of time teaching children to apologize.
Say you’re sorry.
Take responsibility.
Make it right.
But one of the most powerful ways to teach those lessons may be letting children hear us say them too.
Because children don’t only learn accountability from what we tell them.
They learn it from what we model.
Parents Aren’t Supposed to Be Perfect
Every parent loses patience sometimes.
Every mentor has moments they wish they could redo.
We misunderstand.
We speak too quickly.
We make assumptions.
Sometimes we raise our voice when we should have listened.
The lesson isn’t that adults must never make mistakes.
The lesson is what happens after the mistake.
Imagine a father sitting beside his son and saying:
“I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I was frustrated, but that wasn’t an excuse. I’m sorry.”
Something important just happened.
That child learned that authority doesn’t eliminate accountability.
An Apology Doesn’t Make You Smaller
Some people were raised believing that admitting a mistake meant surrendering authority.
But healthy leadership doesn’t require pretending we’re always right.
A sincere apology can demonstrate strength.
It says:
I recognize what I did.
I understand that it affected you.
I’m not blaming you for my behavior.
And I’m going to work on doing better.
That’s very different from:
“I’m sorry, but you made me angry.”
The word but can turn an apology into another accusation.
We can teach children something better:
Your feelings belong to you, and your behavior belongs to you too.
Imagine What They Carry Into Their First Relationship
Someday that child may have their first serious disagreement with someone they love.
They will make mistakes.
Their partner will make mistakes.
What happens next matters.
If we’ve modeled accountability, perhaps they’ll know how to say:
“That wasn’t okay. I’m sorry.”
Perhaps they’ll know that an apology isn’t permission to repeat the same harmful behavior.
Perhaps they’ll understand that love doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility.
And perhaps they’ll recognize when someone continually hurts them, apologizes, blames them, and does it again.
That’s relationship education long before we ever call it relationship education.
Boys Need to See Men Apologize
There is a particular opportunity here for fathers, grandfathers, coaches, and male mentors.
Let boys see strong men take responsibility.
Let them discover that masculinity doesn’t require defending every mistake.
Teach them that saying I was wrong doesn’t make a man weak.
It makes him accountable.
And accountability is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship.
Forgiveness Doesn’t Erase Boundaries
There’s another lesson worth teaching.
An apology doesn’t mean another person owes immediate forgiveness.
And forgiveness doesn’t mean someone must accept repeated harmful behavior.
Healthy relationships leave room for boundaries.
Trust may need time to rebuild.
Behavior needs to change.
Those lessons matter because we don’t want young people merely learning how to apologize.
We want them learning what a healthy apology looks like.
Breaking Cycles Can Start With Three Words
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we believe prevention can begin years before someone ever needs our help.
Sometimes it happens through a conversation at the kitchen table.
Sometimes it’s a coach talking with a player after practice.
Sometimes it’s a mother knocking on her daughter’s bedroom door.
Sometimes it’s a father sitting beside his son and saying:
“I was wrong.”
That child learns something.
Authority can apologize.
Love can take responsibility.
Mistakes don’t have to become excuses.
And hurting someone doesn’t become acceptable simply because you’re angry.
Then that child carries the lesson forward.
Into friendships.
Into dating.
Into marriage.
Into parenting.
And someday, perhaps, into a conversation with their own child.
That’s how one apology can travel through generations.
That’s how we replace excuses with accountability.
That’s how we build healthier relationships before abuse ever begins.
That’s The Ripple Effect.
— Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
“Let them see that strength isn’t refusing to admit you’re wrong. Sometimes strength is being the first person to say, ‘I’m sorry. I need to do better.’”
Changing Tomorrow by Investing in Today.
We Are the Bridge. 💜🏍️