Changing Tomorrow by Investing in Today
Series #14: Teach Them That Walking Away Can Be Strength
There is a lesson I wish more of us had learned when we were young.
You don’t have to win every fight.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is walk away.
We often teach children to stand up for themselves, and we should. We want them to have courage. We want them to have a voice. We don’t want them allowing someone else to push them around.
But standing up for yourself doesn’t always mean standing there and fighting.
Sometimes it means saying:
“I’m not going to do this.”
And leaving.
That’s a lesson that can follow a child all the way into adulthood.
Because someday the playground argument becomes a disagreement with a friend.
Then maybe an argument with someone they’re dating.
Eventually it may become a disagreement with a husband or wife.
And what happens when emotions start running hot?
Do they believe they have to win?
Do they keep pushing until the other person gives in?
Do they yell louder?
Do they insult?
Do they threaten?
Or do they know there is another choice?
Walk away. Cool down. Come back when respect can return to the conversation.
There is no shame in that.
In fact, it takes a lot more strength to control yourself than it does to lose control.
Children need to see us model that.
They need to see Dad say, “I’m getting too frustrated. Give me a few minutes.”
They need to see Mom decide that an argument doesn’t have to become a war.
They need coaches and mentors who teach that strength isn’t measured by how intimidating you can be.
And they need adults who remind them that walking away from something unhealthy doesn’t make them weak.
That last lesson matters.
Because someday they may find themselves in a relationship that isn’t good for them.
Someone may constantly disrespect them.
Control them.
Humiliate them.
Pressure them.
Or frighten them.
I want that young person to remember something they learned years earlier:
I am allowed to walk away.
You don’t owe someone a relationship because they want one.
You don’t have to stay somewhere simply because you’ve invested time in it.
And love should never require you to surrender your safety, dignity, or identity.
At Riders Against Domestic Violence, we spend a lot of time helping survivors understand that leaving abuse is not failure.
Maybe we can also teach that lesson before abuse ever happens.
Teach children that boundaries are strength.
Teach teenagers that respect belongs on both sides of a relationship.
Teach young adults that love isn’t ownership.
And show them that sometimes the bravest direction you can travel is away from something that’s hurting you.
Then help them understand something else:
Walking away isn’t always the end of the road.
Sometimes it’s where a better road begins.
A child learns it.
A teenager remembers it.
An adult lives it.
And another generation grows up knowing that strength doesn’t always mean standing your ground.
Sometimes strength means knowing when it’s time to go.
That’s prevention.
That’s breaking cycles.
That’s The Ripple Effect.
— Dave Beatty
Founder, Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV)
Walking away doesn’t always mean you gave up. Sometimes it means you finally understood what you deserve.