When you are living with abuse, staying safe is not always as simple as walking out the door.
You may be thinking about your children, pets, finances, medications, transportation, or where you could go. You may worry about what will happen if the person hurting you discovers your plans. You may not be ready or able to leave today.
That does not mean you are choosing the abuse. It means you are trying to survive a difficult and dangerous situation.
A safety plan can help.
What Is a Safety Plan?
A safety plan is a private, personalized plan for protecting yourself and anyone who depends on you—whether you are still living with the abusive person, preparing to leave, or rebuilding your life after leaving.
It is not a promise that you must leave today. It is not a set of instructions someone else gets to impose on you. It is a collection of choices, information, and resources that may help you respond when danger increases.
Your circumstances are unique. Your safety plan should be yours.
Planning While You Are Still There
If you are currently living with the person harming you, begin by noticing patterns. Are there certain situations, behaviors, or times when the danger usually increases? Recognizing those warning signs may give you a few valuable moments to act.
If an argument begins to escalate, try to move toward an area with an exit. When possible, avoid enclosed rooms and areas containing weapons or hard surfaces, such as kitchens, bathrooms, and garages.
Consider identifying:
- A door, window, stairway, or other possible escape route
- A neighbor or trusted person you could contact
- A safe place where you could go temporarily
- A reason you could use to leave the home without raising suspicion
- A code word that tells someone you need help
- A place to keep an extra set of keys
If calling 911 would increase the danger in that moment, consider whether you could leave the line open, text a trusted person, or attract a neighbor’s attention.
No plan can control another person’s violence. If something goes wrong, it is not because you failed to plan correctly. The responsibility for abuse always belongs to the person choosing to abuse.
Choose Someone You Can Trust
Abuse often depends on isolation. A trusted person can become an important part of your safety plan.
Choose someone who will listen without confronting the abusive person, revealing your location, posting information online, or pressuring you to make decisions before you are ready.
You might tell that person:
- What has been happening
- What signs could mean you are in danger
- Where you might go
- Who they should contact
- What your code word means
- Whether it is safe to call or text you
A code word can be something ordinary that would not create suspicion. When you use it, your trusted person should already know whether to call 911, come get you, contact an advocate, or take another agreed-upon action.
Prepare What You May Need
If it can be done safely, consider preparing a small emergency bag and keeping it somewhere the abusive person will not find it. A trusted friend, workplace, church, or another secure location may be safer than hiding it inside the home.
Possible items include:
- Identification and important documents
- Birth certificates and Social Security cards
- Medication and prescription information
- Cash, bank information, or a payment card
- Keys
- A safe phone and charger
- Clothing and basic hygiene supplies
- Children’s necessities
- Pet records, food, medication, and a leash or carrier
- Copies of protective orders or other legal paperwork
- Emergency telephone numbers written on paper
- A meaningful comfort item for you or your children
Take only what you can gather safely. Documents and belongings can often be replaced. Your life cannot.
Include Children Without Giving Them Adult Responsibilities
Children may already recognize more than adults realize. A safety plan can help them know what to do without making them responsible for stopping the abuse or protecting a parent.
Teach children:
- How and when to call 911
- Their full name and home address
- Where they should go during an emergency
- Not to physically intervene
- Which trusted adult they can contact
- What the family’s code word means
Remind them that the violence is never their fault and that their job is to get to safety—not to become the rescuer.
If you leave, notify schools, childcare providers, and other caregivers about who is and is not permitted to pick up your children. Provide copies of applicable court orders when appropriate.
Protect Your Digital Safety
Phones, vehicles, email accounts, social media, smart-home devices, and shared service plans can sometimes be used to monitor a survivor’s location or activity.
If you believe your devices are being watched, use a safer device—possibly one belonging to a trusted friend, a library, a shelter, or another secure location—to research assistance or make plans.
Before changing passwords, disabling location sharing, removing a tracker, or disconnecting an account, consider speaking with an advocate. A sudden digital change could alert the abusive person and cause the danger to escalate.
Be cautious about:
- Shared Apple, Google, or mobile-provider accounts
- Location sharing and family-tracking applications
- Saved passwords and automatic logins
- Shared calendars, cloud photos, and email
- Vehicle tracking and connected-car applications
- Smart doorbells, cameras, speakers, and home systems
- Social media posts that reveal your plans or location
Internet use can be monitored, and completely erasing online activity may not be possible. The National Domestic Violence Hotline’s Internet Safety guidance offers additional precautions.
If You Are Preparing to Leave
Leaving an abusive relationship can require careful planning. Avoid announcing your plans if doing so could place you in greater danger.
When possible, consider:
- Where you will go
- How you will get there
- When the safest opportunity may occur
- Who can help with transportation
- How you will access money
- Whether your workplace needs to be notified
- How children and pets will leave safely
- Which local shelter or advocate you can contact
- Whether legal guidance or a protective order may help
A domestic violence advocate can help you think through risks that may be specific to your situation. The goal is not to tell you what to do. The goal is to help you understand your options and make informed decisions.
Safety Planning Continues After Leaving
Leaving may end the shared household, but it does not always end the abusive person’s attempts to control, threaten, stalk, or contact you.
After leaving, you may consider changing locks, routines, routes, passwords, and emergency contacts. Tell only trusted people where you are staying. Ask friends and relatives not to tag you, share photographs, check you into locations, or reveal information about you.
Save threatening messages, voicemails, photographs, dates, and incident details somewhere the abusive person cannot access. This documentation may be useful if you later speak with law enforcement, an attorney, or the court.
Continue reviewing your safety plan as circumstances change.
You Do Not Have to Plan Everything Today
A safety plan can begin with one small step:
Memorize an important telephone number.
Tell one trusted person.
Place an extra key somewhere safe.
Learn where the nearest exit is.
Contact an advocate from a safe device.
You do not have to solve your entire future in one day. You only need to consider the next safest step available to you.
RADV believes survivors deserve support without judgment, shame, or pressure. We are not law enforcement, a legal service, or an emergency shelter. We are the bridge—helping survivors find information, resources, and people who may be able to walk beside them.
If you are in immediate danger in the United States, call 911 when it is safe to do so.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides free, confidential support 24 hours a day:
Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Chat: TheHotline.org
Your safety matters.
Your life matters.
You do not have to make every decision today—but you deserve the opportunity to prepare for tomorrow.
You survived. You matter. You made it this far. Keep going.
One mile at a time.
© Riders Against Domestic Violence (RADV) — We Are the Bridge.