The night before court, you may lay out your clothes, check the time and place, and try to remember everything you want to say. Then your thoughts return to the hardest part: you may have to see the person who hurt you.
Your stomach tightens. You wonder whether your voice will shake or whether you will freeze. Maybe you are afraid they will look at you the way they used to, as if they still have power over you.
If that is where you are today, your fear makes sense. Walking into a courtroom can bring back memories you have worked hard to live beyond. You do not have to feel fearless to take the next step.
Prepare for the day, one piece at a time
Find out where you need to go and when you need to arrive. If you have an attorney, legal advocate, or victim services contact, ask what the day may look like and who you can turn to if you feel unsafe. You can ask whether court accompaniment or a separate place to wait is available. What a court can provide varies, so ask ahead when possible. (thehotline.org)
Think through your trip to and from court, too. If you can, arrange for someone you trust to come with you. Tell that person what kind of support would help: a ride, a quiet presence, or someone to call when the hearing ends. A domestic violence advocate can help you make a safety plan for the court day and afterward. (thehotline.org, thehotline.org)
Write down questions as they come to you. Bring the papers you have been told to bring. You do not need to hold every detail in your head while you are frightened.
In the courtroom
Seeing your abuser may stir up fear, grief, anger, or all three. You might cry. You might feel strangely calm. Your body’s response does not measure the truth of what happened to you.
Focus on the next question, the next breath, the next moment. If you do not understand a question, say so. If you need guidance about the court process, speak with your attorney or advocate when you are able. You do not have to perform strength for anyone in that room.
And when the hearing is over, give yourself room to recover. A difficult court day can leave you exhausted even if you said everything you meant to say. Reach out to someone safe, eat something, rest, or sit quietly for a while. You deserve care after the hard part, too.
Court outcomes can be uncertain. Whatever happens in one hearing does not change your worth or erase what you survived.
At RADV, we believe no survivor should have to find the road to help alone. We Are the Bridge. If you need help finding support or taking a safer next step, visit RADV.org. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for confidential support and safety planning.
You survived. You matter. Keep going—one mile at a time.